If this is the style, I won't be updating my closet

What I'm referring to are the so-called "skinny jeans."

Funny, though, how even though the jeans themselves are skinny, they don't make anyone LOOK skinny. Well, or maybe they don't make ME look skinny ... I don't know. According to the Cosmo Style magazine I have, "This slenderizing style flatters everyone." WHAT?? I don't know what category I fall into then.

I've read the past couple months in Cosmo that they're coming for fall, and I tried to ignore. I've read that other ridiculous looking styles are coming, i.e. bubble skirts and bell-sleeved blouses, and I've tried to ignore that as well. But after seeing an article about it in the Express on the way to work on Friday, it was too much to handle ... I mean, fall is coming SOON. Pictures of skinny capris with stilettos and flats, skinny jeans with stilettos, flats and sandals: No matter how you paired them, bad, bad, bad. AND I saw a girl wearing them on the metro ... she looked to be about 5' 11" and 120 lbs. and still looked bad. Now if you're tall and skinny and STILL look silly in the skinny jeans ... come on ... I think I have to call Cosmo out for making a false claim.

But, I was bored yesterday, and I decided to just see for myself. I tried on a $20 pair, a $200 pair (please, for comparison sake only) and about four pairs priced in between. I've never thought that I have fat thighs, but I might now. The ONLY way to make these things come close to working is to shell out money for all new tops as well and pair the jeans with another supposed fall staple, the sweater tunic, because wearing a shirt that comes almost down to your knees is the only way to hide how big your hips and thighs look. And well, yeah ... with that ensemble, it would be good if I could just add about seven inches to my stature because the three-inch heels aren't going to cut it.

So, I won't be in the latest style this fall and winter. Oh, and did I forget to mention how uncomfortable they were for the two minutes I had them on? Ew. I can just hear it now, "Did you just see that girl? Her outfit was so early 2000s."