Reminiscing

Awwww ... at dinner, we were talking about blogging, and I thought of my once popular blog. Oh, the days of the MySpace heyday ...

So, I skimmed through some of the old posts. How I miss the days of funny/odd/annoying/weird things happening to me that made such good blog material.

I'm not sure if less of the stuff actually happens, or if I just don't notice it as much because after moving back to Indy, things just seem normal and gasp ... mundane. I hope that's not it since I spent so much time wanting to get back here. Arg.

You know, I just thought of something that kind of killed it. Facebook status updates ... especially when friends started to be able to comment on said updates. If something happens, Facebook provides too much instant gratification. Shame on it, and shame on me.

I'm going to try harder to realize a good blog topic when I come across one. Yes, here I am AGAIN saying, "I'm bringing back the blog." I hope it's for real ... and no more of those serious, depressing ones like the last two. Sorry about those. Yuck.

Oh, last week, I got the letter confirming I'm in nursing school. Start in May for 18 whirlwind months. Yeah, some funny shit has to come out of that. :)

Tell me we've all been there ...

We Google someone we know we shouldn't ...

Only to be hurt to see that it looks like they've moved on ...

And we know there are plenty of great reasons it shouldn't hurt ...

But it still does. I hate that it still does.

(Truthfully, it was sort of my e-mail contact list's fault this time, but the result was still the same ... and I have been guilty of Googling before.)

The real me

I made some changes to my Facebook profile yesterday. None of the activities, interests, music ... that type of stuff hasn't changed ... and won't. There's no messing with perfection really.

What I did was decide to just put my true attitude out there. Where it asks you to "Write something about yourself," I, for awhile, wrote something all positive and certain about throwing plans out the window and coming out on top ... but a few hours later, I thought, "That's the biggest load of horse shit I've ever written. I'm feeling negative and sad right now, and why do I always hide it when I am?"

It made me feel better to change it to the honest truth. Kind of cathartic really. These last few years, it's just been weighing on me too much to put on this show ... as more and more I started to realize that the show might be part of what has gotten me to the unhappy place I'm at in the first place.

So, I think what's on my profile isn't going to be so even keeled anymore. For practically my entire life, I've been strong around strangers, acquaintances and many friends, and only let my emotions show to really close friends and family. So 95% of people I knew saw this person who didn't need anybody for anything, and 5% saw what a mess I could be at times.

I would see people being so open about aspects of their life, and I would think, "How could that person even dream of admitting something like that to someone they barely know? How could they stand to look so weak?" But maybe it isn't weakness at all. Now I think I've been the scared one.

My way hasn't been working in my favor. The defense mechanism I built up in about 1983 (from all accounts) has just made me more stressed and solitary ... and wondering why. I always have this extra decision to make about whether I should let someone in. There have been multiple times I've let my guard down and the change sent the person running for the hills. Talk about something stinging.

I guess it's better to not have those people in my life anyway ... but I'd rather find it out immediately, not after I decide to let them in. Not at one of those "at times" moments. Not when it hurts so much more.

I feel like life has been kicking me when I'm down this year, but I can say I have hope that August is going to be better. In August, I'll have the opportunity to start making changes to better my future. I know I'll soon be on my way back to being the kickass girl that I am ... and after already losing someone who had become very important to me, I hope I don't lose too many more of you while I'm not.

Don't try this at home

I figured I should finally paint the back porch of my house while I was jobless, still out of school and have plenty of time ... I've sat and watched baseball for as long as I can without feeling like a worthless piece of crap. Also, the blue bows and country bells have haunted me since January.

Yesterday, I prepped the area, and today, I painted ... with oil-based KILZ to try to banish the remaining cat-pee smell from the previous, idiotic owners.

That stuff stinks ... so at the very end, I have a headache that nothing other than huffing KILZ will give you because the room is not well ventilated. I slapped the last of the paint on the ceiling and floor and got the hell out of there.

Upon going into my bathroom to shower, I see that I am covered in a fine mist of paint on my face and arms. And oil-based paint doesn't come off with water. Lovely.

With a cotton ball and paint thinner, I go to the task of removing the paint from my face. This was NOT a good idea. Paint thinner accosting the sensitive skin of the face burns like nothing I have felt ... yet.

I hurriedly wash my face in the sink to get it off, but it was burning more and more. At this point, I decide the sink isn't working, and I better forget cleaning up any more paint and get in the shower to fully immerse.

First, I grab some bar soap ... still burning. Then, I think, "Yeah, the bar soap is too harsh for your face ... try the Dove." So I smear the Dove body wash on my face (about now, you're probably thinking, "Why don't you try FACE product!?" but I have no facial cleansers that don't have scrubbing beads in them, so that wasn't going to work).

The burn then turns to a "soothing" (HA) cooling burn ... when I realize that the Dove is "fresh mint" scent or some shit like that. With my face on FIRE, I turn to inspect the body wash bottle ... and slip and fall in the shower like an 80-year-old woman.

Somehow the shower curtain kept me inside. I sat there in a daze, thinking, "My face feels like I'm holding it over a vat of steam, I'm terrified to look in the mirror, and now I will have a giant thigh bruise."

The bottle, by the way, said it contains cooling menthol. Nice. Nothing left to do but finish the shower and deal at this point.

By the end, the burn was decreasing a little and there was no rash to show for it. Whew. Now, my forearms remain dotted with white paint, and my face feels like ... a kind of everlasting twitch and tickling sensation. Hope that goes away.

So the moral of the story is: Don't try to use paint thinner on your face. I probably should have seen that one coming myself before attempting it.

Getting up to speed

An old college friend recently inadvertently reminded me that I had been seriously neglecting my blog. Partly that's because it was on MySpace, and I never spend any time on there anymore ... so I created a Blogger account to get back to it.

So here's a rundown of what I've been doing since my last post nine months ago:

1. I was fortunate enough to find a graphic design job in Indianapolis at a small marketing company the week after my last day telecommuting for McClatchy. Talk about timing. Seriously awesome. I commuted an hour each way from my parents' house for the first month and a half. That was seriously unawesome. (Nope, I haven't stopped making up words.)

2. On December 30th, I closed on my house in Indy ... a purchase I had wanted for at least four years prior. Finally things were feeling like they were coming together. About three weeks later, I admitted to myself and others that I fucking hated my new job. What a brilliant plan. Saddle yourself with a mortgage and realize you can't stand your job in a shitty economy. Yep, totally felt good about that.

3. I celebrated my 30th birthday. Hooray. Really, I only say that with a little sarcasm. I was at least back in Indy ... I certainly thought my life would be different now than it is ... but if I were still in D.C., I think the milestone would have caused a lot more emotional turmoil.

4. On May 22, I was laid off from my job. I had lost all respect for the owners of the company by that point and couldn't have been more relieved to be walking out the door. Now a month later, I'm feeling pretty crappy to be such a noncontributing member of society, but I'm still relieved to not have THAT job.

5. I have no desire at all to have another graphic design job, so I'm going back to school. Right now, I'm looking at becoming a dental hygienist, a physician assistant or maybe a pharmacist. I'm not looking forward to going into debt for school since I've made it a point to, and succeeded at, not being in debt for anything other than a house and a car to this point in my life ... but I also can't see myself being miserable at work until I retire.

6. I started dating a really great guy. He's sweet and cute, perfectly sarcastic, gives great hugs ... makes me feel a way that I haven't felt about anyone in a long, LONG time. Spending time with him makes me really happy, but he also comes with as much or more of a problematic relationship history, and that worries me. I seriously hope we can eventually work each other through that, but right now I'm not sure we see our futures the same way.

7. And most recently ... I spent a good eight hours of my life copy pasting my blog archive to start this one. Stupid, shitty MySpace.

You think you’re better than me?

Even though I've been up since 4:30 a.m., I felt compelled to write about my day because never before have I been made to feel less valued than another human being. And it turns out it's a funny story.

I spent the day at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway working the MotoGP for my parents' business. For those who don't know, my family owns a special event concession company that has the contract for ice cream, lemonade and pretzels at the track and other places. I worked an ice cream cart. (It wasn't a good day for ice cream sales. Ick.)

The ice cream prices are $5 this year across the board. Yes, I know that's pretty expensive, but you're at an EVENT. People make comments from time to time, but they can wait to get to the gas station before they buy their Dove bar if they really want. No biggie.

I've worked events for years, and I've never encountered such a rude customer.

A 10- or 11-year-old boy approaches my cart alone from what I can tell at this point.

Me: "Can I help you?"

Boy: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a Dove bar with almonds."

Me: (Kind of confused as to what that meant, if he was consulting himself, etc.) "OK, you want the almond one?"

Boy: "Yeah, one of those, and hold on. That's what you want, too, right?" (Waving to his dad.)

Dad: "Yeah, two Dove with almonds. How much is it going to be?"

Me: "It'll be 10 dollars, please."

Dad: "10 dollars!!" (Opening his wallet to reveal a LOT of cash inside.)

Seeing how well-dressed he and his son were and how much money he had stashed away, I should have known this guy was only saying something to be a dick. Note name change from here on.

Douche: "10 dollars. Wow. You should be wearing a mask."

Me: (Still trying to be polite.) "I'm sorry, sir. I'm only staffing the cart. I don't set or have any say in the prices."

Douche: "What? I SAID you should be wearing a mask. You should have a better comeback than that. A mask. That's robbery."

At this point, I'm startled because I'm quite unaware I'm supposed to be coming up with clever retorts for customers. I gave him his change from the $20 he shoved at me, and luckily another customer approached, so I was able to focus on others.

Three more people came up to make purchases and the douche and his son were still lingering under my umbrella grousing to each other about how ludicrous the prices were as they opened the boxes to their Dove bars. After the other customers leave, it's now an obvious ploy to be able to stick around to cause more of a scene.

Douche Jr.: (Holding up his empty box.) "Do you take trash?"

Me: "No, I don't have a trash can at my stand, but there is one right over there." (Pointing to the trash can no more than six steps away.)

Douche: (Interrupting me.) "For these prices you bet you take trash."

Douche Jr.: (Handing his box to his dad.) "Yeah."

Me: "No, sir, I'm sorry. I don't have a trash can."

Douche: "I bet if we just leave them on top of your cart you take trash."

Douche Jr.: "I know."

Me: (Somehow, I am only now starting to lose my pleasant, customer-service attitude on the outside.) "Sir, that's really pretty rude."

Douche: "Rude? I am a guest of this track, and YOU are an employee. Here's your trash!" (Slamming the two boxes onto the top of the cart.)

They start to walk away, and I am completely livid and shocked at this point, so I call after him, "That's really nice for you to be so rude and arrogant and set such a great example for your son!!"

Douche turns and waves his hand backward at me while Douche Jr. rolls his eyes.

This was all before it POURED down rain and a giant tent came flying across Georgetown Road about 8 feet airborne in 60 mph wind gusts. Then it nearly flipped over the chain-link fence that encloses the track before getting stuck in electrical wires where it hung precariously until it crashed back down into the street about 20 yards from where I was standing. Fun.

Though the race ended six hours ago, my toes are just starting to de-prune.

Final note about the track: Men should never wear crocs.

My last blind date ... out with a bang

Date Lab is the Washington Post's version of "Blind Date." They take and review applications, match people up supposedly based on those answers, have you go out for a paid dinner and interview you after. It appears in the Post's Sunday magazine and online. They RARELY do a good job setting people up.

Web-troller Jen reads them religiously even though she has never lived in D.C. She begged me to sign up, and I laughed at her for actually finding them to read since she didn't live there. Eons later, I was bored enough to fill out the application, and I told her it was her birthday present. (Thank god I was bored because it was NOT a short freakin' application.)

That was in April.

Months passed, and I forgot about it … except for when my friend, Melina, asked me if they had responded. (She was slightly obsessed hehe.)

In June, I decided I was going to move back to Indy, and the next week, Date Lab e-mails that they had found me a match. Surprise, surprise … nice timing.

I was not going to do it since I was moving, but both Jen and Melina said I HAD to do it anyway. I finally agreed even though I felt a little guilty.

The dinner was nine days prior to my leaving town. The set up finally showed up in this weekend's Post. You can read it here.

According to the comments, fellow D.C.ers didn't agree with Melina and Jen's assessment. Thanks, guys. :)